The Recipe for Wellbeing- Part 1
I chose a picture of cute little Meringue with sprinkles on because abstractly I thought it was quite a good representation of 'wellbeing'. It could have been a picture of a serene looking woman in a swimming pool, but that missed out too much of the point, and she looked enviably tanned and too well put together for my liking. So back to the Meringue! Meringues are made from the perfect whipping of sugar, egg whites, a touch of vinegar in some cases, all cooked at the right low temperature until they are crispy and chewy at the same time, and in this case, adorned with sprinkles. Without any part of this recipe, you wouldn't have the same little delectable morsal, just like wellbeing. It takes seperate 'ingredients' all whipped up together in balance to get a good sense of your own wellbeing. So what's the recipe?
I'm going to break this down into seperate posts, as it could get quite lengthy and I have a tendency to 'waffle' on. But I'm going to start with relationships as one of the ingredients for a sprinkle topped sense of wellbeing.
Our relationships with others, be it a partner, husband, wife, friend, sibling, colleague, are a big part of how we, as humans, get a sense of wellbeing. It's destructive to our general sense of happiness if a relationship, with anyone, is in conflict. Arguing with a partner, falling out with a friend, being ignored or criticised at work, or having a dispute with a family member can turn what in most aspects is a happy existence into what feels like turmoil.
When conflict arises, and it will, of course, the obvious solution is to talk. I'm not talking about messaging on facebook, or texting, or sending an email, but good old fashioned talking face to face. There are some things to consider however, to ensure that this does not lead to an all out brawl.
1. Take responsibility for your own feelings. They haven't made you angry, or upset, or bitter, you've done that all on your own, and blaming someone else for your feelings can lead to them retaliating and defending themselves (a good way of blowing up a conflict even more!)
2. Focus on the specific behaviour that you're not happy with, not on them as a person. Saying "you're a..." (input suitable insulting word of your choice!) is very different to saying "I felt insulted when you did...(inpute specific behaviour here!), and will get a completely different reaction out of most people.
3. Avoid words like 'always' and 'never' e.g. "you always do this" or "you never listen to me". It's very likely not true that it's 'always' or 'never', and again leads the other person to jump in to defend themselves.
4. Watch your tone of voice. There's a fine line between sounding assertive and aggressive, and aggressive tones, eye contact and body language aren't going to get you anywhere. Keep calm and don't shout. (Easier said than done, I know!)
5. Listen to the other person. Show them respect. You're trying to mend a relationship here, and it takes two people to do that. Showing respect and listening to their point will help you reach a conclusion you're both happy with. Getting up and walking out, or interrupting with your response too quickly is a good way of shutting the whole communication down.
6. Be honest. Keeping things bottled up isn't good for you, and letting things out can feel like a ton weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Communicate how you feel with the person, what you think, what you'd like to happen, and be confident in the fact that it's OK to say these things, as long as it comes out right! Try writing some points down before you go so you are prepared. Passively agreeing to something you don't actually like or want to do is a great way of building resentment and massive outbursts later on. So get it off your chest!
There are lots of other ingredients in this recipe for wellbeing, so don't forget that difficulty in relationships at times does not have to mean you'll never be happy again. Work on the other areas if you feel there's nothing that can be done to mend a relationship, or concentrate on other relationships with other people and improve those. New people come into our lives all the time, and nurturing relationships with time and care can greatly improve your wellbeing. So get the sprinkles out!
