The Recipe for Wellbeing- Part 2
FREEDOM!!! "All we have to see, is that i don't belong to you, and you don't belong to me"- George Michael
It's 08:30am and I'm singing George Michael! What has happened to me!? It's because this post is the second installment of my 'recipe for wellbeing', and the subject is 'freedom', not because I have any secret George Michael obsessions (as if!).
We've already added a good measure of 'relationships' into the bowl, and now it's time to add an equally vital ingredient which is whole grain (unprocessed) organic quality freedom (is there any other kind!?)
I've worked in prison's for most of my career, with many MANY people who've been dished out life sentences, or indeterminate sentences, who have essentially had their freedom taken away. I've worked with hundreds of people who have taken away the freedom of someone else, by being abusive and controlling in relationships, and also the people who have been the victim of this abuse, who feel they have no personal freedom. I've also worked with people who can't find the freedom from a crippling addiction.
Being behind bars, however, does not necessarily mean you can have no 'sense' of freedom. What I'm talking about here is not a physical element, but a psychological one, and this is a massive part of having a positive sense of wellbeing. If you can choose how you want to behave, choose what you do with your life (or your 'time'), and choose who you want to spend your days with, you have some freedom. If you're reading this, you're probably not in prison, so I'm not going to waffle on too much about this, but the point is, even on a life sentence you can achieve a sense of freedom if you put your mind to it; I've seen it!
Being in a controlling or abusive relationship, where you are influenced by that person to behave in a way that is not what you would like, or make decisions you would not normally make, is like a life sentence in your own home, but with even less ability to make your own choices. Living in fear of the consequences, or of upsetting the other person, can take away all sense of freedom and leave your wellbeing in tatters. It's the same for addiction, only rather than an abusive person, it's the alcohol or drugs controlling you, leaving you feeling you have no choice. Anxiety and stress can have a similar effect.
My first, and most important 'nugget' of wisdom here is: GET SUPPORT!!!
I've included information at the bottom of this post where you can go for immediate help and support, and welcome any contact for free immediate guidance in the UK.
Change your frame of mind to appreciate that you have the freedom to make choices that you WANT to make in life. Sure, we have other people to consider when we make decisions, but as with everything, we must have balance, and sometimes we NEED to prioritise ourselves and get some of that choice back. In prison, if you're good, you can choose from a catalogue of items you can purchase, such as different brands of shaving foam, or shampoo. To prisoners, this is a huge part of their lives, and a link to a sense of freedom. In your life, you make choices every day, even small ones like 'do I want tea or coffee right now?', and this is all part of freedom. Going out for a walk on your lunch break, rather than sitting at your desk or with your colleagues in the staff room, that's freedom. Choosing to scrap monday night spag bol for fajitas instead....that's freedom! Grabbing an empty Saturday by the horns and getting in the car and driving to the beach, that's freedom. Or even just choosing you want a nap and you're gonna damn well have one!
From what you wear today, to what you watch on TV, to what you read, we all have the ability to have freedom in our lives if we recognise it. What you choose to do is up to you, but living freely is important, and I think sometimes we forget this.
So set yourself a goal to make one choice this week that will help you feel more 'free' and break loose from those 'mind bars'! It's good for you.
(Have you got George Michael stuck in your head?- Contact Boost for complimentary support with this problem- we feel your pain!)
Support:
If you are in an abusive or controlling relationship, it's time to consider getting support. Here is a link and number for the UK National Domestic Violence Helpline website, which gives you the opportunity to click on a button to find out how to remove traces from your computer or search history if you are worried about someone finding out.
0808 2000 247
And PLEASE call the police (999) if you think you are in any danger.
For urgent addiction support services, speak to your GP, or look at the following websites:
